Success

Success shouldn't just be about what other people say and think about you, but how you feel about yourself. I've always felt this way, but it's also easier said than done. Here's a little history about me:

When I first started to audition I spent about 3 years going to every audition I possibly could to try and get work and get my foot in the door. I ended up doing a few shows and random gigs. I started to notice that I wasn't being picked based on my height. Looking back I'm sure it was also other things: my look wasn't quite right, I'm not that flexible, I'm a good dancer but not great, and as a singer I'm more rock/musical theater than pop. I started to realize that this didn't make me a bad person or performer, it was just fact and that's ok. I got to be in 4 paid shows, and I'm happy about those experiences :)

I also got to work with a few cover bands. These were good experiences as well, though I found that I didn't really enjoy it that much. When I had to sing a few days in a row, I would start to lose my voice. This has always happened to me when I've had to sing a lot or been under stress from performance. I would also have to sing songs I truly hated, which as a performer we have to sometimes perform to music we don't like. I understand this, but I really don't like pop so it's hard for me to enjoy it or get into it.

When I got my first go go job at Jet Nightclub I was ecstatic. There were 3 rooms to dance in and everyone wanted to be in the hip hop rooms so I would always get to dance in the house (techno) room. I really enjoyed it and felt like I was finally enjoying myself. They took away the dancers in the house room, so I had to start learning to dance to hip hop. I already knew a little, but it helped that 4 dancers were always in the room so I would watch and learn that way.

Long story short that was the first job I was fired from, and I was devastated. I found out over time that Vegas was like that: hiring new dancers and firing them for any reason they saw fit. I ended up working many other venues and was fired from most of them, not really feeling like I had a home and doing those shows/bands as I did this.

I randomly auditioned for Excalibur bout 3 years ago from a craigslist posting. The casino itself was doing the audition, which is very rare, and I almost didn't go because of that. Also, the pay was lower than I was used it, but I went anyway. I was chosen, and slowly started to fall in love with the party pit at Excalibur. Another long story short my current agent is now the middle man for that pit, and I'm there to this day.

A few years ago after the a show I was in closed, I asked myself what I really wanted and what really was making me happy. I found out that it was my current agent's loyalty to giving me constant go go work, and the pit at Excalibur. At first I thought this was strange and asked myself why I liked go go over my many years of training to be a professional singer/dancer/actress. Then I realized that the reason didn't matter and that I should just do what made me happy. I tried to do what I had originally set out to do, and in many ways I had accomplished that. So why dwell on getting that next show/gig? Why not just be happy and feel successful with what I already have?

Today I sometimes miss doing the professional show work, but most of the time I don't. I would have to do other people's choreography, and dance/sing to music I sometimes dislike for many days/months at a time...all for less pay than a day's work of go go. So I don't get the prestige of being in a show...SO WHAT! And anyway what is with the idea that go go dancing is such a low form of entertainment? It doesn't have to be! It depends on the dancer and how much they do.

The point is that I feel I'm very successful in life, no matter what other people say or think about it, and I'm more happy than I've almost ever been doing go go. Sometimes I do dance to music I don't like, but only for minutes at a time and I take it as a challenge and get to choreograph it the way I like. Most of the time I deal with dirty looks and people judging me, but who cares what they think! I don't know them, so their opinions shouldn't matter to me. What is most important is how I feel about it, and I'm going to stay true to myself and do what I love :)

On another note, it does help to every once in a while get nice, honest compliments and I got many of those last night. I feel very lucky to work a job where I feel appreciated by my fellow employees who tell me they are glad to see me and that I always do a great job on stage (Excalibur has more of a stage than a go go box). This is also why I'm falling in love with the Pleasure Pit at PH. The girls and pit bosses are so fun and sweet, and always telling me they are happy to see me. Well I'm happy to see you to, and I'm proud to be a go go dancer for party pits, and I'll do it for as long as I can :)

To me, this is true success :)