Judging

As an entertainer you're always being judged on not so much your talent, but your genetics. Even if you're the best performer in the world, you could still not be the right look, height, body-type. You have to learn to not take this personally and move into whatever job fits you best.

As I've said so many times before, I'm short. It's limited me to only a few jobs, and it's hard to deal with but I've come to terms with it. I go go dance and love it. Many performers have told me I should keep trying, and maybe I should, but I'm really happy where I am so I don't really want to. I'm also not the most flexible dancers (though I am still pretty flexible), which will also limit you.

I can't change who I am.

As a go go dancer, I'm constantly being judged by people who don't know me. I mostly have come to terms with this, but it can still be difficult.

I have an appendix scar on my stomach and a few years ago it was pointed out to me that some people don't like it. Because of this I've become self-conscience about it, and come to dislike it. I've been using scar cream since Feb 2011, and also started to use Vitamin E oil. I also cover it with makeup now, but I still get people talking about it. maybe I'm just paranoid, but I don't think I am cause I see people pointing their stomachs and mouthing "scar" to each other. This makes me really sad.

Why is it that people judge me based on all my imperfections? I know I'm a beautiful woman, and a great dancer/performer, with many other luckily nice attributes, so why is it that we zone into the imperfections? How would these people feel if I picked them apart?! I wouldn't do that though. But since I'm on a pedestal I guess they feel like I'm not human anymore and don't have any feelings.

I love to interact with the crowd, but gotten a lot of mean looks, so usually end up just dancing for me. I find that when I have a very judgmental crowd, I start dancing for me and THEN they want my attention. It's a fact that my confidence comes out more that way, and it works, and then they seem to warm up. Sometimes they don't, most of the time they do.

I just wish they would always warm up to me. It's a hard job to be a performer, and I wish people wouldn't judge what they don't and can't understand. That's my rant for the day. Before you judge a performer, remember that they are a person with feelings and are putting their all into what they do. No one is perfect.

Respect

It's so important to give respect to everyone you meet in life. Every single person has a purpose, and I do believe things happen for a reason.

I think a lot of performers think it's below them to go go dance at all, or in certain places. Only shows are prestigious and worth recognition. I wish this wasn't the way things were looked at. I know not everyone is like that, but many performers are.

Some ask me things like "well if you're a singer, why are you singing?" Maybe because I haven't found where I want to be with it yet. Maybe I'm more picky than most. I want to sing something I love and not because I'm getting paid nickels for it. "why aren't you in a show?" Well there are many reasons. I don't like a lot of the shows in town, and I can't get into most of them any way for many different reasons that I've said before: height, tattoos, appendix scar, not flexible enough (I'm still flexible, just can't kick behind my head), & perhaps not a good enough dancer.

I've found my niche and it's go go. That doesn't deserve a fellow entertainer looking down on me and saying things like "oh she couldn't get a show so she ended up here". I WANTED to end up here. I love what I do! I don't understand why I get all the shit I do get! I know I'm a good dancer, and I know I do a good job on stage. Why do people pick apart go go dancers? Is it the whole pedestal thing? That once you put yourself on those boxes you're putting yourself up there so people can say "eh, she's ok"? What's up with that! lol

I'm beautiful, I'm talented, and I deserve respect like any other entertainer...even if I'm doing a job that makes me a sexual object. I'm still a person. We're all still people, and we work hard.

Back to what I was originally saying as well, everyone deserves respect in life. Who knows why each person does what they do, works the job they do, marries the people they do...and it's not for us to judge & ask why. And who cares what other people like? who are we to judge the music/movies someone else likes. They like it, and that's fine. We need to all come together and just realize we're all different and that's good. Do I sound like a hippie? hehe ;)

I also believe that we meet certain people for a reason. Each person we see in a day is part of our lives, part of our beings, and they deserve love and respect. Say hello to people you don't know every once in a while. Be friendly. Give a smile. All of us are special.

Shows

Saw a great show in town last night that I really enjoyed. Great cast and great musical numbers. Singers, dancers, and a band on stage. Got sort of jealous to not be part of such a great production. Got sort of jealous that I'm not quite tall enough, and maybe not good-looking enough, or limited cause of the few tattoos I have. Asked myself, should I at least auditioned for this just to try? Realized it was still a no.

I couldn't see myself in any of the parts. It wasn't a show that was just right for me, though I could probably get away with doing one of the chorus dancer's parts...still not tall enough tho. The shortest girl on stage I know and she's MAYBE 5'4" but I think she's 5'5"/5'6". I couldn't even see myself as one of the singers! Didn't like the songs so much, and even those girls were tall!

Anyhoo, I really enjoyed seeing the talent that was on stage and thought to myself that I've been really lucky to be involved in the shows I have been in, and I'm still not interested in doing anything but go go. I'm sure that constantly asking myself if I'm doing what I really want to be doing is a good thing tho :)