As a performer, there is always a wariness and uncertainty that lingers in the back, and sometimes front of the mind. Am I where I'm supposed to be? What can I expect next? Will I keep my job? Many performers choose to keep a handful of jobs/agencies so that they can feel secure and/or have something to fall back on. Others choose to be loyal to one job for a while, then move to another if something does happen. I've done it both ways. Being more open to many jobs serves to help create more opportunities/creative outlets, but it's also very busy and can be stressful. It can also feel unstable, and sometimes you can go with no work, then be bombarded with tons of work at once. In the past few years I chosen to stick with one company who gives me consistent work. I've found it nice that for once in my performer life I can feel somewhat stable, and I've been very happy with this.
Then I had a little of an awaking moment recently. Nothing set in stone, nothing really bad happened, but just woke up a little as if from a dream of perfection. I didn't feel secure for a moment and felt kinda empty, and have been thinking to myself, why? I have it really good at this point in my life, so I tried to ignore it. Then I realized that even tho I've done so much for the company I currently work for, you still never know what could happen, and as a performer should always brace yourself for the worst. I've been trying to look at it in a positive way, even tho it's a negative assumption, and it's been helping a little. I'm staying calm since nothing has happened and I'm just being paranoid. lol. Still, I feel I'm thinking in the right way, which is to never take anything for granted. I thought I wasn't, but I find that I was a little again, being a little selfish in thinking I will probably always get what I want, but that's a horrible way to think. Not that I was completely thinking that way, but I was a little, and I think even a little is too much.
As a performer, NOTHING is set in stone, and most of the time, no one has your back. You have to be confident and strong on your own, and know what you want and go for it!
I always used to write in a blog to help ease my mind about my feelings, and I think it will help me again. Here's to the first post of many :)
First off, no matter what happens and where you go, I'll always have your back. ;)
ReplyDeleteI know it's MUCH easier said than done, but just try to stay positive and look at the good aspects of your current situation. If the good outweighs the bad, then something's going right. But, sometimes we need more than 'something'. Naturally we want everything to go right and to be perfect. It doesn't make you selfish -- it makes you human. We ALL do it but very few us have the [lady] balls to admit it, so you're already a step ahead of the game. :)
I love you & wish you nothing but happiness and success, no matter where you are or what you do. You, my dear, are one of the rare people who truly does deserve nothing but the best. <3
The good definitely outweighs the bad :) and I guess it does make us human to want everything perfectly in place. I think some people don't mind if everything isn't perfect, but I'm definitely a perfectionist, which i think is a good thing cause I'm usually on top of things, but also a bad thing cause I dwell. Sometimes I wish i could let things go and enjoy what I have. Most of the time I do, but sometimes I regress and get upset. When it happens I notice it and try to not let it eat me alive, since I make things worse than they are in my mind.
ReplyDeleteanyhoo, I love you too and always wish you the best as well. I hope we'll always be friends :)